When lots of people say and believe something that isn’t true, the thing they believe is called a myth” (adapted from Women’s Domestic Violence Court Assistance Program by Chris Burke and Carol Skye © 2001. It’s Not OK. It’s Violence. Partnerships Against Domestic Violence © 2000)

Some people say...

Women choose to have relationships with those who use emotional and physical abuse… but most relationships start out being loving and caring and over time the behaviour gradually becomes more dominating, threatening and controlling by the use of emotional abuse that may or may not lead to physical violence. The abuse in domestic violence usually gets more dangerous and frequent.

Women can leave if they don’t like it… physical violence always includes some form of emotional abuse, which is used to keep victims dependant on their abusers. Emotional abuse affects self-esteem and self-confidence making leaving complicated, by fear of physical safety for themselves and children, and financial dependence on their partners.

Children are not affected by abuse… but children are affected when they live with tension and conflict between people they love and depend on. Domestic violence cannot be hidden from the children. Children experience domestic violence in many ways. Witnessing domestic violence is a form of emotional abuse.

Domestic violence happens more in some cultures than others… emotional abuse occurs across all ages, cultures where one person’s power and sense of entitlement is greater than the other.

Domestic violence only happens in heterosexual relationships… but violence and abuse does happen in same sex relationships.

Some women use emotional abuse to provoke physical violence… but no one can make someone else abusive. People who use abuse in relationships are responsible for their choices and actions.

Men/women can’t help how they treat their partners… being stressed, drunk, unemployed is no excuse! Acts of domestic violence and the outcomes of those acts are the sole responsibility of the person who commits them.

Abuse only happens in poor people’s homes… but abuse occurs in any home whether rich or poor.
 

“Through New Eyes” – exploring the hidden emotional dynamics of Domestic Violence
© 2003 Carol Skye in association with the Hunter Women’s Centre